I can't tell you how many times I've come to the end of a test or daily trial and wished I'd been stronger and quicker to trust God. I tell myself "next time" I'm going to act like I would had I been faithful rather than doubtful. I'm going to rejoice early rather than after the storm had passed.
I have a sign on my bathroom wall, "Make today your masterpiece". It's a relatively new sign. I bought it after my husband's death. I must be my own cheerleader these days. I do whatever it takes to stay in faith. Occasionally I call a friend, sometimes I get in the word (first aid style) and sometimes I simply pray in the spirit. Whatever comes to my mind I do. I now look at each day as a kind of canvas on which I will paint my day. Of course God has control of where I paint and what I paint, but I'm working on the "colors" I use. I'm learning that God can use my bouts of unbelief to color the darker shades in my day. He can turn what looks like a tragedy into a technicolor wonder. When I'm able to tap into "now faith" it also colors the masterpiece of my day.
Yesterday I needed to cry so he gave me an outlet where I could cry (everyone in the building was crying) and my emotional upheaval went with no notice taken by the other criers. I needed to let go of yet another thing and He facilitated the release. I needed prayer for an upcoming journey that will bring huge changes and he had one of my pastors pray for strength for all who have been on mission trips and would be going. I needed to be released from a self assigned obligation, and He allowed a detour free me from it. I needed a shoulder to cry on and to give my shoulder to someone else to express herself. He provided both.
All of what happened supplied colors for yesterday's masterpiece. Each thing that happened added its own hue to the palette of the day. I was blessed with extremes in colored emotions and I had quiet tones of feeling. Much was accomplished, but behind it all was the Master painter, and not only did I make my day a masterpiece but I as the work of His hand survived to be a masterpiece of His making.
I have a new day and it too will be colored by the things I see, I hear, I touch, and I experience as I press into walking this walk, my walk of faith. You too are a painter, am artist, a sculptor, and yet a canvas or piece of clay. God is making you His masterpiece of the day. Submitting to His creative touch is only for your best good. What will you let Him make of you?
Today is a blank canvas and whatever you go through will supply the raw materials of your work of art.
- love never fails.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Saturday, July 14, 2012
High Pressure Valve
Fire is a frightening thing when out of control. I've seen shows where ceilings and floors give way to ravaging fire. I've also seen what water can do to fire when shot at it through high pressure hoses.
The enemy is a fire starter. He can't be at all places at all times so he has to use guerrilla warfare to keep his chaos working. He loves to put his own sort of pressure on those trusting the word of God. He also fights nastily and uses every angle to get his wicked work done. He waits till you're exhausted (he works hard to keep you from resting) and then attacks for as long as he can to wear you out. He waits until you're starving and then puts a hot fudge sundae of fleshly temptation before you to get you to "bite". Let's face it, he never plays fair. Once you've fallen, he then condemns you for partaking in the thing he tempted you with!
In the midst of the biggest battle I've faced thus far, I felt as if the rubber band of my endurance was about to give way and break. I couldn't see anyway I was going to be able to endure much longer. The enemy kept adding straw to the camel's back until I was sure my "knees" were going to buckle. All I could do was cry out to God. I couldn't read my bible, I didn't have the faith to do much else. I was asked by a friend if I could "feel" the prayers of the people. Hey I was suffering from sensory overload to the point I couldn't feel my own feet. I wasn't aware of a soul praying for me.
As I look back (hind sight always seems a whole lot clearer than normal vision) I can see that all I needed to do was cry out to God. I don't remember sensing a difference at the time, but that cry did something in the spirit realm.
I think back to Exodus 22:22-24. It warns those who afflict widows NOT to. I had my share of natural and spiritual affliction in the past months. I didn't enjoy watching the humans that hurt me pay the consequences of their behavior, but I'm quite thrilled to know that God took out His sword and struck a blow at the adversary who was behind all the affliction I lived through.
I can feel the pressure of the enemy mounting again. It's slightly different, but nonetheless present. I have the benefit of one of these sort of battles "under my belt". I'm not the same rookie recruit. I'm using my own high pressure hoses to shoot out the water of the word to blow away the enemy. I will not be taken by a blind surprise any longer.
Today I'm a tad more sure of how much greater our God is than the enemy. I am back on my prayer, study and praise walk. While I'm not ready for another attack of that proportion, I am ready to go back and get in the game of life again. I'm so glad to have a high pressure valve release called tears to let God into deal with the terrorist.
Selah
- love never fails.
The enemy is a fire starter. He can't be at all places at all times so he has to use guerrilla warfare to keep his chaos working. He loves to put his own sort of pressure on those trusting the word of God. He also fights nastily and uses every angle to get his wicked work done. He waits till you're exhausted (he works hard to keep you from resting) and then attacks for as long as he can to wear you out. He waits until you're starving and then puts a hot fudge sundae of fleshly temptation before you to get you to "bite". Let's face it, he never plays fair. Once you've fallen, he then condemns you for partaking in the thing he tempted you with!
In the midst of the biggest battle I've faced thus far, I felt as if the rubber band of my endurance was about to give way and break. I couldn't see anyway I was going to be able to endure much longer. The enemy kept adding straw to the camel's back until I was sure my "knees" were going to buckle. All I could do was cry out to God. I couldn't read my bible, I didn't have the faith to do much else. I was asked by a friend if I could "feel" the prayers of the people. Hey I was suffering from sensory overload to the point I couldn't feel my own feet. I wasn't aware of a soul praying for me.
As I look back (hind sight always seems a whole lot clearer than normal vision) I can see that all I needed to do was cry out to God. I don't remember sensing a difference at the time, but that cry did something in the spirit realm.
I think back to Exodus 22:22-24. It warns those who afflict widows NOT to. I had my share of natural and spiritual affliction in the past months. I didn't enjoy watching the humans that hurt me pay the consequences of their behavior, but I'm quite thrilled to know that God took out His sword and struck a blow at the adversary who was behind all the affliction I lived through.
I can feel the pressure of the enemy mounting again. It's slightly different, but nonetheless present. I have the benefit of one of these sort of battles "under my belt". I'm not the same rookie recruit. I'm using my own high pressure hoses to shoot out the water of the word to blow away the enemy. I will not be taken by a blind surprise any longer.
Today I'm a tad more sure of how much greater our God is than the enemy. I am back on my prayer, study and praise walk. While I'm not ready for another attack of that proportion, I am ready to go back and get in the game of life again. I'm so glad to have a high pressure valve release called tears to let God into deal with the terrorist.
Selah
- love never fails.
Reach Out and Touch
As humans living in an unfriendly world, we can be tempted to become hermits hibernating in our domiciles. But the Lord called us a body, the Body of Christ. We carry the Holy Spirit and the power of God in our mouths, hands and feet. We are supposed to carry the Spirit to the hurting and not to hide out in our homes.
Yesterday I bagged up a few veggies from my garden to take to an elder widow who lives next door to our tiny Post Office. It was not a big gift, but I know how lonely I get so I wanted to drop by and touch base with her.The veggies were an excuse to drop by.
I called her as I was about to drive over to the Post Office. She was so surprised that I was calling her because she had just picked up the phone to dial me.
After telling her my plans I made my way to check my mail. Finding nothing I headed next door. Her little dog met me at the door barking his delight and her sweet smile was a welcome sunny place in my day.
She shared a huge answer to prayer and we chatted for an hour. She recalled the stages of mourning she had experienced and how God had sent a couple from her church home to plant flowers in her yard. They had been so saddened at her devastation in losing her husband. They told her they wanted to see her smile again. It had been a turning place in her mourning. She had cried all day, everyday for almost a year.
She has buried three husbands in her 80+ years. I can't even fathom that kind of strength. Her first husband died of a massive coronary, 12 years later her second died of cancer, and the last one of Alzheimer's.
As she recalled the time when her friends from church came and planted flowers, I found myself weeping. My little offering of vegetables had been a point of connection on that day. My garden has been my place of mindless refuge in my widowhood. It has been my solace and sharing its bounty my delight. I remember thinking I would never live through my loss, and here it's been almost ten months and I'm still quite alive.
I know the Lord told us we comfort one another with the comfort we receive. Here we were sharing our losses, our healing and the Comforter.
I hadn't set out to minister or to be ministered to. I simply knew she missed having a garden and missed fresh vegetables. The anointing of God, the balm of Giliad, flowed between us. She gave to me comfort she had received and I to her. The exchange that happens between believers was precious and healing! All it took was a little willingness to reach out and touch.
- love never fails.
Yesterday I bagged up a few veggies from my garden to take to an elder widow who lives next door to our tiny Post Office. It was not a big gift, but I know how lonely I get so I wanted to drop by and touch base with her.The veggies were an excuse to drop by.
I called her as I was about to drive over to the Post Office. She was so surprised that I was calling her because she had just picked up the phone to dial me.
After telling her my plans I made my way to check my mail. Finding nothing I headed next door. Her little dog met me at the door barking his delight and her sweet smile was a welcome sunny place in my day.
She shared a huge answer to prayer and we chatted for an hour. She recalled the stages of mourning she had experienced and how God had sent a couple from her church home to plant flowers in her yard. They had been so saddened at her devastation in losing her husband. They told her they wanted to see her smile again. It had been a turning place in her mourning. She had cried all day, everyday for almost a year.
She has buried three husbands in her 80+ years. I can't even fathom that kind of strength. Her first husband died of a massive coronary, 12 years later her second died of cancer, and the last one of Alzheimer's.
As she recalled the time when her friends from church came and planted flowers, I found myself weeping. My little offering of vegetables had been a point of connection on that day. My garden has been my place of mindless refuge in my widowhood. It has been my solace and sharing its bounty my delight. I remember thinking I would never live through my loss, and here it's been almost ten months and I'm still quite alive.
I know the Lord told us we comfort one another with the comfort we receive. Here we were sharing our losses, our healing and the Comforter.
I hadn't set out to minister or to be ministered to. I simply knew she missed having a garden and missed fresh vegetables. The anointing of God, the balm of Giliad, flowed between us. She gave to me comfort she had received and I to her. The exchange that happens between believers was precious and healing! All it took was a little willingness to reach out and touch.
- love never fails.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The One Woman Show
It's funny that when we read the play of our lifetime just how quickly we forget that God is the author of our lives. He has promised that all things work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His plans and purposes. God sees our end from the beginning. He walks out the acts of every play and player in this linear thing we call our lifetimes. God is eternal and omnipresent. It's all about manifesting His Son to destroy the works of the adversary.
How could I doubt that He would see me through this third act of the play of my life? I feel like a spoiled diva actress who doesn't like the changes the writer has made to His script. I've seen it a different way and I'm pouting in my dressing room.
How gracious is my God to walk me through the changes in my life. I need not be terrified by a few script changes IF I am trusting God.
We all have unexpected things happen in our lives. Oh to be able to rest and trust God during the script change and not wait to trust Him until after the play is over!
Selah
- love never fails.
How could I doubt that He would see me through this third act of the play of my life? I feel like a spoiled diva actress who doesn't like the changes the writer has made to His script. I've seen it a different way and I'm pouting in my dressing room.
How gracious is my God to walk me through the changes in my life. I need not be terrified by a few script changes IF I am trusting God.
We all have unexpected things happen in our lives. Oh to be able to rest and trust God during the script change and not wait to trust Him until after the play is over!
Selah
- love never fails.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Nine Months and Counting
I'm sitting alone in my living room in my recliner as I have often in the past nine months. I'm not overly sad or tremendously happy either. My prayers are no longer for survival of self, but for those around me suffering or in trouble. I'm no longer so self absorbed or devastated by my husband's death that I can't function. I still have bad days, hours and moments, but nothing compared to the previous nine months.
I met a friend in the grocery store today. She lost her husband of 54 years just two months ago. She told me just what I expected when I asked how she was doing, "I have good days and bad days". No surprise. She also told me how lost and out of place she felt without her husband on her arm.
When we first met she was gracious and told me she had heard of my husband's passing. She was compassionate as only another widow can be.
I have had joyful moments recently and I want to live and minister again. I know I'm healing and growing stronger every day. Not sure why I'm writing this, but documenting the stages of my widowhood is cathartic. I also never know who I might be helping by doing so. I know how helpful it was for me to see others experiencing similar insanities during the early stages of their widowhood.
Looking forward to big things on the horizon.
- love never fails.
I met a friend in the grocery store today. She lost her husband of 54 years just two months ago. She told me just what I expected when I asked how she was doing, "I have good days and bad days". No surprise. She also told me how lost and out of place she felt without her husband on her arm.
When we first met she was gracious and told me she had heard of my husband's passing. She was compassionate as only another widow can be.
I have had joyful moments recently and I want to live and minister again. I know I'm healing and growing stronger every day. Not sure why I'm writing this, but documenting the stages of my widowhood is cathartic. I also never know who I might be helping by doing so. I know how helpful it was for me to see others experiencing similar insanities during the early stages of their widowhood.
Looking forward to big things on the horizon.
- love never fails.
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