Silence That Screams

I don't often post twice in a day, but I'm fast becoming aware of a segment of people out there that are hurting and calling out to God in a sort of agony that has to be experienced to be understood. The agony that I'm talking of is that of deep loneliness. Solitude can be a blessed thing, but there are times when the silence screams so loud it deafens one.
Long ago when I had been married about ten years I touched this sort of loneliness for the first time. I experienced the sort of betrayal that required immediate divine intervention to survive it. I remember sitting alone on the edge of my bed, staring up at the cabbage rose bordered wallpaper thinking the silence and loneliness were so consuming they would deafen and destroy my heart that second.
I've said this before, but it is so healing and helpful to know that it bears repeating. Once you've weathered the "perfect storm" and seen God undergird you, you are never as frightened by another storm, no matter how devastating.
I've experienced quite a few concurrent storms in the past eleven months. Not one of which was small and now that I'm on the other side of them I can once again see God's touch at work. I didn't ever "feel" God at work or even sense Him comfort me. I've come to know that God doesn't always manifest with "sensations" once one is on the way out of spiritual childhood. I wasn't looking to feel much anyway as I was in such sensory overload in mourning my losses.
I remember in the first few months a blizzard of fears blanketing my mind, my soul and even working to crush my spirit. I've never felt such fear. Thankfully God sent a young woman who stayed with me for a couple weeks and who read me love scriptures over and over. Together we overcame the demons of fear sent to steal my joy and peace, kill my soul and destroy my life. Eventually I came to recognize these fears and I could resist them effectively on my own. I thank God for my sweet sister's sacrifice during those horrific days. Not everyone is so fortunate. In spite of her presence I felt this agony rich loneliness.
Just as I learned to recognize those demon spirits of fear, I came also to recognize the spirit behind the smothering loneliness that haunts so many. One day I was comparing the way I felt after spending long hours with friends and those in the family of God. I began asking myself why I was content to be alone at times and even look forward to quiet time free to do "my own thing"? What was the big difference between lonely moments and happy solitary ones? I realized it was all about attitude AND recognizing the fact I was being harassed into feeling sorry for myself. It was then I determined to work at being content no matter where I was or whether I was with anyone. Shortly after making that decision I noticed that when I really needed someone God had someone call, email or send me a card. I got more invitations to go out and I actually enjoyed the things I was doing; both alone and with others.
This whole revelation has been an ongoing thing. It's been a journey that has taken a lifetime to play out.
I write all this to encourage others who find themselves struggling with thoughts of rejection, betrayal and abandonment. You may have experienced all three as far as humanity goes, but God is always right there with you. IF you will begin to implement contentment with your life situation you will begin to notice God filling up the intimacy you used to lack. IF you don't try to predetermine who is going to fill the needs you have you might even be surprised at how God fills those needs!
We're told we comfort one another with all the comfort we receive. I truly hope that my words will touch you and lift you out of the darkness of your lonely place.
Peace
Cerise
- love never fails.